Australian stand up comedian and writer Peter Green has made an absolute dog’s breakfast of his one chance to impress the world with the opening blog of his tired Onion rip off Bobvulture. Not only did it come across as twee and unendearing, no-one is even going to bother to read this far so he may as well use this space to confess to few things. For starters, I only wash my hands after using a public toilet if there’s already some other guy in the hand washing area who will know if I did or didn’t do it. I sometimes put stuff in the recycling bin that has food still in it. I wrote down in a TV ratings diary that I was home watching Australia’s Funniest Home Videos when I was really out doing something else because I wrote for the show and wanted it to get better ratings. I wee in the shower, even when I’m not having a shower at the time. Anyway, enjoy the stuff I’m writing.