Shock Jocks Have Shocking Jocks Says Laundry Lady

Alan Jones has loose elastic in his waistbands, Ray Hadley has a terrible skidmark problem and Kyle Sandiland’s y-fronts are riddled with dickholes according to a new book by the laundry lady who washes the underpants of some of Australia’s biggest talk back radio stars.

Speaking at the launch of her book “Brief Encounters” author Thelma Grech reminisced about her thirty five year career as the washerwoman to the biggest names in the AM radio business.

“John Laws may have golden tonsils but his boxer shorts are a grubby shade of beige. I’d love to run some bleach through them but Mr Laws has a strict ‘no bleach’ policy because he’s afraid it may tarnish his solid gold microphone. Alan Jones always buys his underdungers one size too small, which puts a lot of strain on his elastic, leading to an untidy flaccidness amongst his mid body support region.”

“I’d rather not say what I’ve found in Ray Hadley’s gussets. Let’s just say I always wash Ray’s derps alone rather than put them in with the other boys. Kyle’s undies are always immaculate but he refuses to buy new ones until the old ones wear out, which means he has a rather serious dickhole problem.”

Mrs Grech has only words of praise for the state of Jason Morrison’s fart filters.

“It’s always a pleasure to do a load of Jason’s reg grundies. They always smell pleasantly of cinnamon and I’ve found nary a stray red pube at the bottom of the basket. But David Oldfield only sends me his bum socks once every two weeks, which makes me suspect that he’s turning them inside out to get an extra day’s use out of them.”

“Brief Encounters” is available at all good bookshops and has been shortlisted for next year’s Miles Franklin awards.

Peter Green


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