Gluten Intolerant Ibis Very Picky About Whose Lunch It Steals

A Sydney ibis has put out a call for more gluten intolerant office workers to eat in Hyde Park after finding slim pickings in the food department whilst stealing lunches last Thursday.

“I snatched what looked like a delicious salad roll out of this guy’s brown paper bag as he was snoozing on the grass but was very disappointed to find that the roll was a type of biodymanic wholegrain rye sourdough,” said Bert, a three year old ibis. “That kind of thing wrecks my guts, gives me a shocking dose of the squirts and leaves me feeling bloated all afternoon.”

“I was looking forward to reading my book and dining on the vegemite and cheese sandwich on barley bread I’d brought from home when one of those ugly birds with the long curly beak swooped in and stole my lunchbag”, claimed legal receptionist and luncher Jenny Piccolo. “Then a minute later it dropped the bag back on the ground beside me, looked me right in the eye and just shook its head.”

“I suppose it is possible for a bird to suffer from celiac disease”, said Tv vet Chris Brown. “Probably the ones with highly strung parents. Unfortunately, no-one gives a shit about ibises or I’d feature Bert on my Bondi Vet show.”

Bert was hoping to have better luck tomorrow, when he expects that girl who works in the bank to be lunching on her buckwheat pancakes.

Peter Green


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