One Legged Seagull Doesn’t Want Your “Pity” Chips

A one legged seagull has called for an end to the well meaning practice of tossing more chips his way just because he is handicapped.

“I’m perfectly capable of getting in there and fighting for my own chips”, said Bondi Beach seagull Stan Livingston as his flock pestered an Indian tourist who was trying to eat his lunch in peace. “Missing a leg isn’t much of a handicap anyway. As most schoolchildren will tell you, birds can fly. We don’t need legs.”

“Stan’s an inspiration to all us of”, said fellow flock member Julie Chiang. “After you get to know him you completely forget that he’s a unidexter and simply admire his swooping and swimming abilities. The only thing he gets touchy about is if you whistle the tune to the 1980s hit song “I Ran” anywhere within earshot of him, because when he was growing up the other seagulls would change the words to “I Hopped” and sing it to him.”

Bondi day tripper Dudley Spiggott was perplexed as to why Stan angrily rejected chips that were thrown towards him.

“I especially picked out a nice fat chip and lobbed it straight at him but he rejected it like it was a piece of lettuce”, said Spiggott who was enjoying a seafood pack from a local fish and chip shop. “As he flew away I actually thought I heard him squawk the words ‘patronising bastard’ in my direction”.

Peter Green


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