Funfair Operator Defends His “Waiting Outside The Prison” Hiring Policy

Australia’s biggest fairground ride operator has brushed off suggestions that his practice of hanging around jails and offering jobs to newly released prisoners is giving children nightmares.

“I find that big tough blokes with tatts and beards make excellent ferris wheel and merry go round attendants”, said Clive Woollett, manager of Smiley Face Attractions. “And to put the kiddies at ease, I make sure that my employees hand in all home made knives before they start a shift.”

“The most frightening thing about the ghost train was the man collecting the tickets”, said white faced six year old Emily Thompson at the recent Parkes Agricultural Show. “I didn’t scream at all at the half assed glow in the dark drawings of zombies that popped up on the ride, but I almost shit my pants when I got a look at the humungous wild eyed lunatic who strapped me into my seat.”

“I didn’t think I’d have a hope of landing a job on my first day out of jail”, said cha cha operator Michael “Kneecapper” O’brien. “But as soon as I walked out the door with all my belongings in a suitcase Clive was there to offer me a contract. He reckoned I must have a sensitive side to me because of all the teardrops that are tattooed on my cheek.”

Woollett has denied offering bribes to members of the parole board to tip him off about when to hang out at the front of the prison to greet violent offenders and said ‘no comment’ when asked if he’d sent Ivan Milat the instructions on how to operate a chair-o-plane.

“I just want to give these guys a second chance”, said Wollett. “Or as in Kneecapper’s case, a fifth or sixth chance.”
Author: Peter Green


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