Monk Has Same Gregorian Chant Stuck In Head All Day

12th century monk Brother Xavier reports that he has had a really catchy Gregorian chant playing continuously in his head all day since matins, distracting him greatly from his monastic duties.

“The boys droned out a particularly rich and inspiring dirge after dinner last night and now I can’t keep repeating it inside my head”, said the novice from the Abbey of St Benedict in Melk. “It’s that one that goes dominus dominus dominus dominum. It’s driving me right up the wall of the scriptorium as I’m trying to draw those really complicated capital letters at the start of chapters.”

Brother Xavier believes that the almighty God may have placed the chant in his head on a perpetual loop to force him to make penance for breaking his vow of silence during a recent game of bingo in the abbey’s great hall.

“My affliction does parallel the suffering of St Bruce of the Earworm, who did flay his own skin from his body after forty days in the desert with Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off'” stuck in his head.”

Brother Xavier also reports that his mind is being tortured by not being able to remember the name of the saint who was torn apart by horses in 3rd century Rome.

“It’s been really annoying me as I’ve been kneading the dough for the bread,” said an agitated Xavier. “I know it starts with an H. I’ll have to Google it right after vespers.”

Peter Green


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