Nation’s Girlfriends Celebrate Discovery Of New Way Of Faffing Around Before Going Out For The Evening

Australia’s girlfriends are tonight jubilant after researchers announced that a whole new way of faffing around had been discovered that will keep their boyfriends seething at the front door waiting for them to finally be ready to leave the house.

This months edition of “The Journal of the Royal Society of Unfathomable Behaviour” will summarise three years of research by a team from the University of Central Victoria that promises to provide girlfriends with a fresh, perfectly self justifiable reason to noodle around while their date tries not to get caught looking furtively at his watch.

“This is fantastic news because I’m sure that my boyfriend Clyde has begun to cotton on to the fact that I’m not actually doing anything with my face in front of the mirror with all that goo on tiny little brushes”, said elated Cottesloe girlfriend Natalie Fernside. “I wonder what it’ll be. My bet is it’s something to do with scarves.”

Australia’s boyfriends were less enthused by the possibility of having to remain outwardly unruffled while internally fuming about the new method of dithering.

“Bugger me sideways, if I can pull myself away from Grand Theft Auto to get to this date on time the least she can do is make a similar sacrifice”, said Wagga boyfriend Blake Commerford, as he made awkward conversation with his girlfriend Emma’s parents. “She’s the one who’s been banging on about wanting to go to this play for weeks. What’s she doing now. Cleaning her teeth. Who cares, we’re eating in half an hour. Still, I guess there’s things that I do that drive her up the wall, so I really shouldn’t whinge”, said the increasingly edgy Commerford, in a transparent effort to appear understanding.

Peter Green
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