Funeral Of Goldfish Makes Family Dog Contemplate His Own Mortality

Rex, a nine year old kelpie cross, has been forced to confront the finality of his own inevitable passing and the ephemeral nature of life’s experiences as he watched the burial of fellow pet Goldie in the backyard.

“It’s weird to think that someone you still think of as a perky young fingerling coming home from the aquarium in a plastic bag is no longer going to be around”, said Rex as he watched the short but moving ceremony where Goldie was wrapped in a tea towel and laid to rest between the hydrangeas. “I don’t want to leave this life regretting the things I haven’t done. The airplanes I didn’t bark at, the other dog’s bums I only sniffed half heartedly… I spent almost the whole of yesterday chewing on that old soccer ball when I could have been prowling the fence line looking for a gap to miraculously appear.”

Family cat Socks will also be feeling the impact of Goldie’s loss from the family.

“I used to spend hours every day just staring obsessively at the fish tank. This is going to leave a massive hole in my life,” said the 12 year old tabby. “I’m not getting any younger myself. Just the other day I made a leap for the back of the lounge from the window sill and almost didn’t make it.”

Rex’s vow to live life to the fullest will be tested later in the week when he hopes to growl with much more menace at the guy who comes in to read the gas meter.

Peter Green


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