Delegates To Alpha Males Convention Eyeing Each Other Warily In Car Park

The mood was reported to be tense in the car park of the Wangaratta Convention Centre as 500 delegates arrived from all over Australia for the fifth annual Alpha Males Convention.

“Whatever I damn well please and whenever I damn well feel like it,” was the answer given by keynote speaker Mitch Bullbar when quizzed about what his keynote speech will be about and what time it will be delivered.

The most popular seminars over the weekend include “Scientists, professors and other weaklings that get in your way and how to crush them”, “Creating a shadow over the sun: How tall can we make an SUV”, and “That one woman in the room who doesn’t want to have your babies: A guide to identifying lesbians.”

Elections for key positions in the organisation are to be held on the last afternoon of the convention, with 500 nominees announced thus far for the role of President and none for the role of Vice President.

Meanwhile, female delegates from the “Queen Bees and Trophy Wives” convention that is being held on the other side of town are planning to walk by the convention centre later in the day just to see what the boys are up to.

Peter Green


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