Clinically Depressed Lumberjack Is Not Okay

Canadian tree feller Mike Burgess has admitted that a recent episode of clinical depression has left him questioning whether life is worth living.

“I just don’t seem to be getting the same enjoyment out of cutting down trees, skipping, jumping, and putting on women’s clothing and hanging around in bars like I once did,” said a morose Burgess as he floated down the mighty rivers of British Columbia yesterday. “Even as I was eating a nice plate of buttered scones for tea last Wednesday all I could think of was what’s the point.”

“I’m seriously concerned for Mike,” said his best girl Rita McCartan as she stood by his side. “I asked him if he wanted to press some wild flowers with me yesterday and he just launched into a sad monologue about how all beautiful things must die, even the pretty flowers.”

“I asked Mike if he was okay and he said no but he really appreciated me asking,” said his best friend Charlie Walters, who often lunches with Burgess and accompanies him to the lavatory. “I suggested that he maybe should talk to his GP about how he was feeling and he said that was a good idea.”

The trigger for Burgess’s latest bout of depression is believed to be frustration at not being a girlie like his dear papa.

Lifeline 13 11 14; Mensline 1300 789 978; Kids Helpline 1800 551 800.

Author: Peter Green


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