Elvis Costello Writes New Book Every Day

English singer songwriter Elvis Costello has stayed true to the lyrics of his 1983 single “Everyday I Write The Book” by writing a new book every day since he released the single.

Bespectacled post punk singer Costello, real name Declan MacManus, has churned out some 11,568 titles over the years, ranging across a wide variety of genres in the fields of both fiction and non fiction.

“People mistake the lyrics of the song for a metaphor about the course of a relationship being similar to the writing of a book,” said Costello as he printed out his latest volume, a how to book on lawnmower repairs. “But the reality is that I just love writing books and can’t get through the day without knocking another volume out.”

In the past week Costello has written On Temporal Dimorphism in Chelicerata; a scholarly treatise on the effects of ambient temperature on gender ratios in horseshoe crab hatchlings, Blaggard’s Cove; a romantic novel about a steamy affair between a pirate and the lonely wife of a parrot salesman, Nearly Had Him That Time; a collection of cricketing yarns, and The Ladybird Book Of Tractors.

“While I appreciate Elvis’s dedication to his craft I sometimes wonder if he’d be better respected as an author if he cut his output to one book a week,” said Costello’s literary agent Archibald Jackson. “Plus all the wine and cheese I have to eat at book launches is really playing havoc with my bowels.”

Having signed off on his previous book, Costello is looking forward to waking up tomorrow and getting his teeth into his next best seller, a time bending science fiction novel about a man who travels back in time to try to prevent world war 2 by convincing Hitler not to grow a moustache.

Peter Green


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