Mittens, a tabby adopted by a Peakhurst family as a kitten, has managed to reach the age of 19 without ever once doing anything worth videoing and putting up on YouTube.
“Mittens just won’t jump into the bath and then scramble around hilariously for a few seconds trying to get a grip on the porcelain,” sighed frustrated owner Jeff Winthrop. “I wound up a clockwork toy robot and put it down next to him while he was asleep but he just opened his eyes, yawned a little and went back to sleep instead of leaping straight up into the air in shock.”
In the past Mittens has refused to get in a fight with the dog and beat on its head with his paws like a bongo drum, not slowly fallen asleep on top of a mantle piece and rolled off into the fish tank, failed to notice his own reflection in a mirror, and steadfastly avoided sitting back with one arm on the edge of the lounge chair looking like a dude.
“I bought a Roomba especially so I could dress him up as a Star Wars storm trouper and get him to ride around on it but the suit was a size too small and he just sniffed the Roomba a couple of times before wandering off,” said an exasperated Penelope Winthrop. “He did once play with a bit of scrunched up paper in a way that brought a smile to your face but not enough to make you want to laugh out loud.”
The Winthrops have taped countless hours of videos of Mittens not walking around comically on his hind legs, totally ignoring a red laser pointer, and hiding inside a cardboard box refusing to lash out at people’s legs through a hole in the side. The tapes have now been gathered into the cardboard box and left outside for the next council clean up.