Despite taking out last place in the competition with their straw robot, a team of Amish engineers has thoroughly enjoyed their time among The English competing in the 15th Annual International Robot Wars.
“It was perhaps a tad ambitious to think that we’d be able to take on the best robots from around the world considering that we don’t embrace modern technology in any way,” said team captain Pastor Lemuel Skethrog. “Despite the best efforts of our finest strawsmiths and quilters, our robot was cruelly mismatched in fighting ability when compared to the much more mobile and metally robots created by the other teams.”
“Sedulous”, the Amish robot, suffered severe injuries in a first round clash against “Corporal Batter”, a robot entered by a team from the Dusseldorf Institute of Technology.
“We sewed his head back on for the second round”, said team member Goody Sarah Humble. “Unfortunately his opponent in that round, “Lord Mangler” from the Tokyo School of Engineering, did tear him an extra fundament from which he might evacuate his bowels.”
The most painful moment for the Amish team came when “Sedulous” lost the fight for second last place against “Major Virtuous”, a wooden robot entered by the Mennonite community.
“We’ll be raising a barn well into the night to celebrate this momentous victory,” crowed Mennonite team captain Goodfellow Jakob Thrift. “We gave their flat hatted, braces wearing hides a proper tanning.”
Pastor Skethrog and his team hope to be back next year having learned much from the experience.
“While I still reject the ways of the outside world I did pick up a technological device that I may find of use. It is called a K-Tel Record Selector and it will be most handy for the storage of my Dead Kennedys albums.”
Author: Peter Green