Wankers Celebrate Discovery Of New Way To Pronounce “Van Gogh”

The world’s wankers have cracked open a carton of wheat beer and intend partying well into the night after it was announced that a new way of pronouncing the name of Dutch artist Vincent Van Gogh had been discovered.

“There’s nothing that makes me feel more superior to my fellow human beings than haughtily correcting them on the mess they make of pronouncing Van Gogh”, said Sydney wanker Jared Crockett. “Some of them insist on saying ‘Van Goff’, others try and get away with ‘Van Go’, and up until today the accepted pronunciation in Standard Wanky English was ‘Van Gock-h’ with a catch in the back of your throat like the Dutch use. Of course you’d make anyone trying to pronounce the Dutch diphthong repeat it endlessly and tell them that they weren’t quite getting it right even though they were saying it exactly the same way as you were.”

The new pronunciation is based upon research into the dialect of Flemish spoken in the village of Groot-Zundert where Van Gogh spent the early years of his life.

“Apparently the people in this part of Flemland in the mid 19th century pronounced the ‘ogh’ sound like ‘oerk’ so the correct pronunciation is ‘Van Goerk’,” said Crockett as he munched on a bran muffin covered in honey collected from his personal hive. “Please excuse me now, I need to go assert my moral superiority by writing a blog that uses the phrase ‘punching up not down’ way more times than necessary.”

Author: Peter Green


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