Hawk And Canvas Salesmen Demand End To Discrimination

Australia’s door to door hawk and canvas salesmen are protesting at their shabby treatment at the hands of householders, who often put up signs at their front door specifically warning them that they are unwelcome.

“My hawks are among the finest in the world and are an excellent choice if you are looking for a product to deter pigeons from roosting on your eaves,” said traveling hawk salesman Randall Churchill. “But I often only get as far as the front gate of a potential customer before finding a rude sign saying they don’t want to be bothered by hawkers.”

“I’m a purveyor of top notch canvas, just the thing if you want your clipper to catch the roaring forties and do the Capetown to Fremantle run in under a week,” said canvas merchant Kevin Hardwicke. “Unfortunately there are a few cowboys in the canvassing trade who’ve given the rest of us a bad name, hence the lack of enthusiasm for us honest canvas sellers.”

While the Door To Door Salesman Anti-Discrimination Act explicitly forbids barring the entry of specific types of salesman from your property, authorities often turn a blind eye to the practice of refusing admittance to hawkers and canvassers.

“Only last week a hawk got away from this pesky salesman and flew off with my cat”, said Concord West pensioner Betty Shazbot. “I’m a busy lady and I don’t have all day to stand at my front door listening to salty old sea captains rabbiting on about how their canvas sails are better than the ones you can get down at Spotlight.”

“Business is booming for me. In fact I just sold half a dozen of my choicest falcons to an old lady in Five Dock,” said falcon and burlap salesman Rodney Hogg. “I have many satisfied customers who often welcome me in for a cup of tea and a chat about the ins and outs of burlap sack making.”

Author: Peter Green


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