A mysterious Penshurst man has been amazing onlookers with his unearthly powers of being able to walk up to an ATM, tap in his PIN and favourite withdrawal, and leave the scene with his cash in hand in less than sixty seconds.
“He never stopped to give us his name but because of him the line for the ATM miraculously moved momentarily at a brisk pace,” said bank withdrawer Ronald Badd after the superhero appeared from nowhere to carry out a fuss free transaction at the Penshurst Street automatic teller of the ANZ Bank. “He somehow knew how much money he had in his account without having to check his balance, the screen asking him how much he wanted to withdraw didn’t take him by complete surprise and leave him pondering for an eternity deciding how much cash he wanted, and he didn’t drag a friend along with him and carry on a lengthy conversation about matters totally unrelated to banking.”
A man claiming to be the vigilante, dubbed “Doshman” by the media, contacted us for an interview on a promise that we would not reveal his secret identity.
“This all started when I was hit in the head by a radioactive roll of five cent coins when I was a kid,” said the man who cupped his hands in such a way that no-one could see his face or his PIN number. “I didn’t really think there was anything special about my ability to use an ATM so quickly until I noticed that no other prick seemed to be able to do it. I just remember what my balance was from the last time I made a withdrawal which saves me having to look it up, and I never forget my PIN because its a simple matter of remembering four numbers that I use several times a week. But apparently, mere earthlings don’t have these powers.”
Doshman may be called upon to save the citizens of Penshurst very soon, as authorities have reported that supervillain “Putting The Wrong Card In Man” has just escaped from prison.
Author: Peter Green