Shire Man’s Highest Brain Functions Currently Being Used To Memorise Names Of Girlfriend’s Soft Toys

A shire man is currently using the frontal lobes of his outer cerebrum, the most complex thinking device in the universe, to try to remember the names of his girlfriend’s collection of plush animal dolls.

“I know there’s Bree the horse and Mr Puffles the dragon and the teddy bear she’s had since she was five is simply called Teddy,” said astrophysics student Murray Gort as he surveyed the menagerie of soft toys that inhabit the doona on top of his girlfriend Sandra’s bed. “Fortunately she’s gone for an alliterative motif for a lot of the others so I’m good with Willy the wombat, Toby the Tapir and Stanley squid. There’s two zebras, Ziggy the zebra and Zoe the zebra, though which one’s the girl and which one’s the boy I never seem to get right.”

Gort’s entorhinal cortex is currently linking information from several neural circuits before sending an impulse to his hippocampus, all in the hope of creating a memory of what is the name of the purple donkey. If it is unsuccessful he risks sending Sandra into a deep sulk that may last for days.

“She’s just asked me to hand Herbie to her,” said Gort as his memory retrieval pathways began a frantic search of the CA1 region of his brain. “If Herbie isn’t a giraffe I may as well start getting the lounge ready for sleeping on.”

Peter Green
http://www.twitter.com/Greeny_Peter

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