Thousands of people who really think that this time they’ll use it have purchased the Regreterciser 3000, a piece of exercise equipment specially designed to give a workout to as many body parts as possible whilst being hauled out to the footpath for the next council clean up.
“We recognise that most of our equipment is purchased by lazy slobs who use it once and then give up, never touching it again until about two years later when they drag it out the front for hard rubbish day or optimistically give it pride of place in their garage sale,” said Pete Throckmorten, head of sales for Gulliblecom Gym Gear. “The Regreterciser 3000 at least gives them one opportunity to work up a genuine sweat in their lifetime.”
The Regreterciser is constructed out of a heavy lead-osmium alloy that will give a challenging resistance workout when lifted, plus its cumbersome shape means both arm and leg muscles need to be stretched to the fullest simply to pick it up.
“I bought the Regreterciser 3000 after seeing the infomercial on Larry Emdur’s morning show which showed a bunch of grinning idiots in leotards carting them out to the street in front of the tv studio,” said satisfied customer Ned Frings. “My favourite feature is that it comes with a blank piece of printing paper already sticky taped to it for you to write in the price for your garage sale.”
The first 500 callers will also receive Blendomatic Unobtruser, a piece of food preparation equipment shaped especially to fit into a corner of your kitchen that you never use.
Author: Peter Green