Finished Newspaper Not Left On Train For Next Passenger

Horrified commuters reported that a man took his finished newspaper with him when he got off the train rather than leave it behind for the next person to read.

“That’s just downright unaustralian and I have a good mind to report it to the terrorist hotline,” said fellow traveler on the Penrith to Town Hall train Joyce Flobo. “Everyone knows that you fold up your newspaper and leave it in that gap between edge of the seat and the wall so that some poor unfortunate who forgot to buy their own paper has something to read to occupy the journey.”

“He’d clearly finished with the paper because he’d read all the bits at the front, skipped over to the sports section and then gone back to have a chuckle at Fred Basset,” said crazy guy who rides the train all day Herbert Bogey. “No-one reads Fred Basset unless they’ve completely run out of things to do. I was hoping to grab the paper myself just in case there was a half finished crossword puzzle for me to complete.”

The operator at the terrorist hotline said it was not actually illegal to take a finished newspaper with you at the end of a train journey, but it was still highly suspicious behaviour.

“Those people who take the paper away with them are very low on the social scale, perhaps only matched by those who take out the racing guide or the Best and Less catalogue and leave it on the seat, fooling unwary travelers into thinking they’ve found reading material only to be disappointed.”

Peter Green


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