Horn Section Insists On Behaving As If What It Does Is Funny

The horn section of the band is continuing to labour on under the misconception that what it does is in some way hilarious, reports a man from the audience.

“They’re wearing silly hats and brightly coloured shirts, pulling faces like mad and constantly breaking out into cheeky jigs,” reported ska music fan Clapton Crabs as he watched local band The Bodacious Tartays perform a set. “They certainly seem to believe they’re being hilarious but as far as I can see all that they’re doing is blowing air into some brassy objects for the purpose of making music.”

“Look at me, I’m wearing an old ladies hat that I bought at Vinnies,” said saxophonist Phil Taffateffy as he took a breather to pour the excess saliva out of his instrument. “I reckon I might swoop the end of my instrument saucily around in the air a bit more during the next bracket.”

“The reasons for the delusions of funniness experienced by horn sections are complex,” said behaviour psychologist Dr Felix Cymbal. “Many horn players experience lightheadedness from having to blow so much air out of their lungs, plus trumpet players naturally puff out their cheeks and bulge their eyes in a comical manner. And of course the tuba is capable of hitting those low notes that sound a bit farty.”

The band is about to hit the stage for its third bracket of the afternoon, in which the trombonist is hoping to amble over to the drummer and jab him a few times in the face with the curvy bit of his instrument.

Peter Green


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