Old Guy In Pet Shop Buying Cat That Will One Day Eat Him

That lonely old bloke is almost surely buying the cat that will one day feast on his undiscovered corpse, report the staff of the pet shop he is browsing in.

“He looks like he’s only got four or five good years left in him and that’s a young kitten he’s got his eye on so you do the maths,” said Blake Hairball, sales assistant at the Penshurst Pet Palace. “Look at the way he’s dressed. He has to be single. No self respecting partner would let him walk out the door looking like that.”

“Unless he has someone from community services dropping by every couple of days or someone else in the street starts feeding that cat on the sly he’s going to be well and truly devoured by that moggy,” said store manager Fiona Wormpill. “Cats may be finicky eaters but let two or three mealtimes pass by without something fresh in the food bowl and his putrefying remains will start to look nice and tasty.”

The man eventually selected a healthy looking male tabby from the cage in the store’s front window.

“Tabbies make wonderful pets and that one he’s chosen will be a great companion for him,” said celebrity vet Josie Fleacollar. “He looks like he’s got a healthy appetite, which he’ll need when his owner eventually shuffles off the coil in front of the television and he has to start nibbling away at him, probably starting from the toes.”

Peter Green


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