City Built On Rock And Roll Slowly Sinking Into The Ground

The major American metropolis of San Francisco is sinking into the earth due to it being constructed on a base of rock and roll rather than bedrock.

“The foundations of the tallest buildings in the city sit on an unstable mix of vinyl albums, blue suede shoes and drum machines,” said structural engineer Zac Backbeat. “In the 70s and 80s a lot of bands were bulldozed into landfill , creating acres of cheap real estate that was unable to cope with the major urban developments that sprang up in the ensuing decades.”

“My apartment used to be on the fifth floor but now it’s on the third floor and sinking quickly,” said San Francisco resident Tiffany Effem. “I was shocked to learn that the ground underneath my condo wasn’t bedrock but in fact consists of an unsteady compound of rubble and 1970s new agers The Cars.”

Attempts to bring shonky land developers to task have been hampered by the corporations constantly changing their names to evade city planning laws.

“City Hall itself is going under at the rate of between seven and twelve inches a year,” said exasperated mayor Kenny Stylus. “We’re going to have to sink some pylons deep into layers of 1940s big bands to steady the whole central business district. Otherwise nothing’s going to stop us now,” added the mayor in a desperate attempt to shoehorn another Jefferson Starship reference into the story.

Peter Green


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