Falling Supply Of Meerkat Statues A Threat To Old People’s Front Lawns

Garden ornament stores may be forced to introduce a meerkat statue rationing system for nannas and pops due to a worldwide shortage of plaster replicas of the cute standy uppy mammals.

“A strike in the main meerkat statue making factory in Rwanda coupled with a failure of the ceramic crop in Brazil has cut supply and pushed prices up through the roof,” said Rodney Macgregor, head of lawn ornament purchasing for Bunnings. “We are going to have to impose a limit of three meerkats per pensioner or face a repeat of last weekends riot at our Hoxton Park outlet.”

A spokesman for Australia’s largest organisation for nice older couples has accused the garden supplies industry of price gouging in respect to the lovable beady eyed statues.

“This happens every school holidays just when we’re trying to make our front lawns look adorable for the littlies,” claimed Brian Clay, president of the Poppas and Nonnas Association. “The same thing always used to happen with statues of sombrero wearing donkeys pulling little carts just before the Christmas/New Year break. There should be some kind of enquiry.”

Concern has also been raised about whether there will be enough “Grandchildren Spoilt Here” signs available to meet demand following the sinking of a ship carrying fifty container loads of the cheerfully scripted notices off the coast of Sumatra.

“How will our nations kiddies know where to go to get gratuitous hugs and lollies that their mums and dads forbid them to eat normally,” said a worried Brian Clay. “Fortunately I still had a few old tyre swans in the back shed or my front lawn would be a desert right now.”

Peter Green


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