Guide Dogs To Be Given To People Who’ve Lost Their Sense Of Entitlement

The Guide Dog Society of NSW has begun training its first batch of puppies to become helpers for unfortunate people who no longer have their sense of entitlement.

“I’ve been an absolute wreck since I lost my sense of entitlement in a tanning salon accident last year”, said Bondi Junction fashion boutique owner Tamara Mitchell-Taverner. “Luckily I’ve now got Bowser who barks to let me know when I should be telling off a parking inspector for giving me a ticket for double parking my Mercedes.”

“If I didn’t have Rex I’d have had no idea I was supposed to crack a mental when daddy didn’t get me a personal publicist for my 18th birthday”, said Vaucluse fine arts student Phoebe Maple-Brown. “He’s also useful to skitch onto men who don’t buy me a drink within two minutes of meeting me in a wine bar.”

The pups are being trained to react when busy waiters are ignoring their owners in crowded restaurants, and when Grammy Awards are being given to less deserving performing artists.

“We’ve has some startling results since the program began,” said Society director Alex Narcissus. “It’s a little known fact that Donald Trump’s hair is actually an orange labradoodle that’s been specially trained to growl at him whenever he forgets that he’s a golden god meant to rule mercilessly over the unwashed masses.”

Peter Green


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