Groundbreaking Shirt Fabric Always Feels Like It’s Just Been Ironed

In the biggest innovation in men’s shirt design since the invention of the cuff a fashion designer has invented a revolutionary new fabric that always feels like it’s just been ironed.

“No matter what time of day or how long you’ve been wearing it the shirt always has that slightly warm and tingly feeling as if it’s just been ironed,” said scientist and fashion designer Gabriel St Chemise. “Little nanobots embedded in the cotton respond to friction emitting a slight bit of heat causing the shirt to constantly feel like it’s just been taken off the ironing board.”

“Ooooooh I get that shivery feeling from putting on a freshly ironed shirt and it lasts all day,” said male model Kelvin Beefcake as he modelled the shirt at a Milan fashion show. “The cut of the shirt allows extra room for protruding nipples which is handy because mine have gone completely off the top of Moh’s scale ever since I started wearing it.”

Doctors have warned that the shirts could be detrimental to the health of the wearer.

“We just don’t know what the long term effects will be on the nervous system of someone who is constantly doing an involuntary little jiggle of delight in the chest, back, armpit and sleeve areas of the body,” cautioned Dr Liam Sternum, lecturer in upper torso studies at the University of Turin. “I’d suggest taking the shirt off every two hours just to give yourself a break from doing tiny ecstatic dances of delight.”

Peter Green


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