Car Park Ticket Safely Held In Sucked Back Lips

A shire man reports that the ticket he needs to put into the machine to get out of the car park is securely positioned between his sucked back lips as he approaches the boom gates.

“I hate having to fish around in my pockets for the ticket when I get to the exit, especially if there’s an intimidating looking bloke in an SUV sitting right on my arse”, mumbled Yowie Bay grocery shopper Campbell Dithers as he drove slowly out of the car park at the Hurstville Super Centre. “If I pull my lips back over my teeth I can hold the ticket in place without having to bite down on the cardboard, which everyone knows is the worst feeling in the world.”

“Campbell’s method is the one we recommend to all our clients,” said car park ticket security professional Lance Shades. “The amount of times we’ve had to come in and rescue a driver who’s casually rested their ticket on the dashboard only to see it blown out the window by a rogue gust of wind is phenomenal. People’s ignorance of the affect of wind shear on car park tickets always confounds me.”

Experts in the field also warn against handing the ticket to a passenger to hold.

“I’d strongly advise you not to risk your relationship by going into any kind of car park ticket sharing arrangement with a loved one,” said Bertha Headlock, manager of car park ticket security firm TicketoGrip. “The divorce courts are full of couples who thought they’d put their ticket into the side compartment of a handbag or manbag and later on couldn’t locate it with all the rummaging in the world.”

Peter Green


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