The mother of a drought stricken farmer has reminded him that the hot, dry weather may be making him unhappy but that it’s good weather for people who live in cities.
“Them city folk need this sunshine so they can get to and from their office buildings without getting wet, so quit your bitching,” said Gladys Hayseed, mother of central western farmer Ned Hayseed as he surveyed the cracked mud at the bottom of his dried up waterhole. “They needs to go jogging, have themselves some picnics and hold exotic food festivals in the park, none of which they can do if it’s pissing down with rain.”
“If this localised rain system that’s confined to the coast doesn’t end soon I don’t know what I’ll do,” said city boy Cyril Ponce. “I’ve got a massive crop of paperwork that’s due to for harvesting that’s going to get all soggy and I’ll have to start shooting the lifesavers down at the beach because I can’t afford to feed them any longer.”
The government is considering providing some kind of rain relief for city folk, such as erecting massive marquees over the top of outdoor cinemas and distributing sets of Freddie Trueman’s Test Match to cricket teams to play with when rain stops play.
“I’ve got to stop being selfish and take into consideration all them poor city folk who keep this country running with their insurance companies and graphic design start ups,” said Ned Hayseed as he sealed his windows to keep out a dust storm. “I few sun bleached sheep’s skulls around the place is a small price to pay to ensure that no alternative music fan has to huddle under plastic poncho to watch their favourite band.”