Cross-Eyed Unicorn Removes Horn From Middle Of Forehead

A shire unicorn is experiencing his first day of utilising his full range of vision after a vet successfully removed his horn in a four hour operation.

“For all my life I’ve had this thing right in the middle of my line of sight that’s been drawing my eyes,” said Woronora Heights unicorn Neddy as he recovered in his paddock. “It was very frustrating and there wasn’t always a handy virgin available for me to lay my head in her lap to soothe my temper.”

“Crossed eyes are a common problem in unicorns which we normally correct with special glasses but in Neddy’s case I felt that a full hornectomy was the only solution,” said specialist mythical creature vet Imogen Nguyen. “It should also solve the chronic headaches he suffers from continually banging his horn into the ground when he’s trying to eat.”

Dr Nguyen stressed that the removal of the horn makes Neddy a hornless unicorn and not simply a horse.

“Neddy is still a fully functional unicorn and the loss of his horn doesn’t curtail his ability to gallop along the top of rainbows and pose majestically in leafy forest glades,” said Dr Nguyen. “In fact once we fit him with a prosthetic horn he’ll be able to go straight back to his job as a model for wall posters for little girl’s bedrooms. As an added bonus he won’t be spending all day accidentally bumping into the golden haired water nymphs that he poses with.”

Cross-eyed narwhals have long been considered a major shipping hazard in the north Pacific Ocean.

Peter Green


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