Guy Picking Up All the Metal From Council Clean Up Has No Idea What To Do With All That Metal

The guy with the ute that picks up all the metal from out the front of people’s places on hard rubbish day has admitted that he has no plans about what to do with all the metal he has been gathering for the past thirty years.

“When people see me carefully picking through the stuff that has been left on the footpath and throwing all the broken down washing machines and old Venetian blinds into the back of my ute they assume that I must know what I’m doing,” said unemployed Kyeemagh ute owner Alvin Spofforth. “The fact is I’m now currently the owner of over 200 acres of old bedheads, rusty trampoline frames and busted electrical appliances.”

Spofforth’s confessed that if enough people saw him gathering bits of old metal they’d assume there was a place somewhere that paid good money for bent bicycle wheels and twisted chair legs.

“Seeing Alvin in action every weekend convinced me that there must be a fortune to be made in the scrap metal industry and encouraged me to open my own business,” said bankrupt scrap metal dealer Sid Grimmett. “It was only after I’d invested my life savings into my scrap metal yard that I realised that manufacturers dig their own metal up out of the ground and there wasn’t any demand for metal in the shape of old ironing boards or rolls of second hand chicken wire.”

“Can you give me a hand to load these random bits of pipe onto the back of the ute,” said Spofforth as we cruised the streets of Sans Souci. “They’ll just end up in a big stack at the bottom of my property but I’ve got to keep up the illusion. Try and look shrewd as you do it.”

Peter Green

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