Non Criminals To Be Allowed To Own Pitbulls

Police and criminals have reacted angrily to changes to the Dog Act that will allow non criminals to own pitbull terriers for the first time in history.

“This will make it a lot harder for me to know who to buy drugs from when I move to a new neighbourhood,” complained hardened criminal Darcy Necktat. “Usually when I’m putting a gang together for a heist I just approach all the guys I see walking a pitbull and ask them if they’re keen for a bit of extra cash.”

“If non criminals start owning pitbulls law enforcement will become impossible,” said senior detective Frank Donger. “Whenever anything gets stolen the first thing we do is pick up the nearest guy with a pitbull and turn them upside down and shake them and whatever it is generally falls out.”

Shire dog lover Gavin Pindick is looking forward to becoming the first non criminal to own a pitbull.

“I really hope I’m up to the irresponsibility of owning a pitbull,” said the Miranda accountant. “I’m aware of the need to make sure that there are several children playing nearby before I let him loose in the park, and I’ve been practising how to strut around looking like a big man and wearing a just a singlet even in really cold weather.”

Peter Green

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