5000 Year Old Food Pyramid Unearthed In Egypt

Archaeologists have dug up the remains of a food pyramid beside the river Nile that is believed to be the final resting place of super fit pharaoh Ricecake III.

“It would have taken a team of a hundred thousand slaves nearly twenty years just to construct the base out of whole grain unleavened bread and green papyrus based vegetables,” said Dr Rick Ramses from the University of Wangaratta. “We’re still not sure how they would have raised the two ton blocks of cheese needed to fill out the third layer.”

“They would have had to float hundreds of tons of lean meat, fish and nuts down the Nile on great barges from the land of Nubia,” said Professor Phoebe Cheops. “The very tip of the pyramid is still coated with chocolate icing and dotted with blueberries and grapes and other sugar laden fruits.”

Hieroglyphics on the wall of the tomb have been deciphered as a daily fitness regime involving burpees, jumping jacks and two dozen sit ups with a heavy medicine ball.

“When pharaoh Ricecake III died his nutritionist and personal trainer would have been buried alive with him to ensure that his soul kept its BMI within an acceptable range during the journey to the afterlife,” said egyptologist Peter Saleh. “The lack of goji berries showed that even the ancient Egyptians possessed the knowledge that superfoods were totally rubbish.”

Peter Green


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