The Norwegian Nobel Committee has proudly awarded its prestigious Disturbing The Peace prize to Stanwell Tops yobbo Brett Valiant for distinguished work in the field of late night bellowing, wheelie bin upending and windscreen smashing.
“These dumb Norwegian dickheads want to fly me out to Oslo and bung on free piss for me all night,” said the jubilant sheet metal worker upon hearing that he’d won the prize. “I’ve having a special t-shirt with “The King of Norway Is Wanker” printed on it just for the occasion.”
“Brett has gone way above and beyond his duties as a bad neighbour and generally mean spirited member of society,” said committee chairperson Helga Scragfyte. “His pioneering work in training his pack of beagles to start barking as soon as he drives off to work and not to stop until two minutes before he arrives home again is sheer genius. We’d also like to commend his constant singing along with Barnsey albums at three in the morning on school nights and getting up to rev the engine of his 1971 Charger at dawn and then going back to bed without driving anywhere.”
Valiant accepted his award by streaking up to the stage before threatening to glass the entire committee with a broken wine bottle.
“I’d like to dedicate this prize to my partner Shazza who’s a lazy no good hooer,” screamed Valiant into the microphone to rapturous applause from the Norwegian Academy. “Let me go you bastards or I’ll go the lot of yers,” he then said to the policemen who wrestled him away from the podium and manhandled him into a nearby divvy van.
Valiant intends to spend the $500,000 prize on a top of the range leaf blower.
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