Notable IRA hard man Paddy McGinty is in maximum security prison tonight after police foiled his plans to blow up a pub with an explosives laden goat.
“We believe Mr McGinty force fed his goat a highly combustible cocktail of dynamite, paraffin and a box of matches,” said Sergeant Valentine Doonican of the West Belfast constabulary. “His plan was to sit the goat beside the fire in the pub, not giving a hang, until a great big spark jumped down his throat.”
“Paddy had recently fallen into quite a fortune and we thought it unusual that a man of his wealth would want to go out and buy a goat,” said Mcginty’s next door neighbour Catherine O’Leary. “I was in his place one morning and did notice his computer open on a website containing instructions on how to make a goat bomb but I didn’t think anything of it.”
There is some doubt as to whether Mcginty’s latest act has any connection to the IRA as the pub that he targeted was the favourite drinking place of unscrupulous goat salesman Micheal Finnegan, well known for his habit of selling billy goats disguised as nanny goats.
“When Paddy aimed to have his fill of goat milk and found out he’d been sold a bill he was ropable,” said McGinty’s girlfriend Margaret Malone. “When you get to heaven that angel with the whiskers on will be his goat. Or that bikie fellow who died the other day. One of the two.”
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