The funeral for a popular local vulture got tense today as hungry mourners started fighting over who got first bite of the corpse.
“We all loved Bill and wanted to do nothing more than pay our last respects but the sight of him lying there all succulent and juicy just got the better of some of the guests,” said the right reverend Frank Carrion after the service. “I hadn’t even got to the story about the time Bill found an entire dead cow for us to feast on and someone was having a go at his drumstick.”
“It was truly awful for that kind of behaviour to be going on front of Bill’s wife and kids,” said Bill’s niece Cecilia Ribcage. “Everyone knows at a vulture funeral the closest relatives get first choice of all the best bits.”
“I think it’s what Bill would have wanted, to be torn apart by his friends and loved ones in a mad feeding frenzy,” said his best mate Bob. “Now that I’ve had good gnaw on his wing it’s time to reflect on all the thirsty gold prospectors we stalked as they stumbled through the heat of the desert.”
Bill requested that instead of flowers mourners should make a donation to any charity that encourages people living near the desert to own more sheep and cows.
Follow Bobvulture on Twitter
Click here for tickets to see Bobvulture live on stage at the Sydney Comedy Fringe: August 30, September 1 and September 3.