In an effort to stop the birth of ugly kids NSW Police have begun breath testing couples leaving pubs and nightclubs together and making those blowing over .05 go home in a separate taxi.
“The last time I dropped one of my kids off at kindy the place looked like a freaking zoo and I blame it on pissed people hooking up and breeding,” said Premier Mike Baird. “It’s a known fact that imbibing on more than two standard drinks in the first hour of a night on the town lowers your standards dangerously and one drink per hour after that keeps you there.”
“You only have to look at all gargoyle-like 40 years olds stumbling around our society to realise how awful the situation was back in the 1970s before there was no legal limit imposed on alcohol related sex,” said anti drink dating campaigner Dorothy Wowser from SADD (Stunners Against Drink Dating). “Good friends definitely don’t let their drunk friends hook up with blokes who look like Mr Potato Head.”
Police have started an advertising campaign reminding party goers to have a plan B in place in case they find themselves over the legal limit and start finding some total stranger hopelessly attractive.
“Carry a photo of some crazy ex-lover in your wallet or get a designated friend to stay sober and turn the topic of the conversation around to your collection of Star Trek figurines,” said Sergeant Paula Oxytocin from the Casual Sex Patrol. “If you start to feel that the person you met half an hour ago is the soul mate you’ve been searching for all your life that’s a sign that you’ve had one too many and you need to leave your dick parked where it is and go pick it up again in the morning.”
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