Limbo Dancer Attacks Man In Toilet Cubicle

Police have issued a warning to all public toilet users to beware of limbo dancers after a Rockdale man was assaulted and robbed by a thief who slid himself under the gap at the bottom of a restroom door.

“I was innocently spending a penny when all of a sudden this Caribbean music started playing and this flexible bloke with big ruffles on his sleeves suddenly appeared from under the door,” said startled victim Roger Murdoch. “He had threatened to hit me with a large maraca before taking my wallet and then sashaying his way back out under the door.”

“This sounds like the work of Knuckles Gonzales, the notorious “Limbo Bandit”, who recently escaped from Long Bay jail by limboing under a barbed wire fence,” said Inspector Terry Bikestack from the Latin Dancing Crime Unit. “I’d recommend not taking any valuables into the stalls when using a public convenience and placing a heavy bag of some kind near the bottom of the door.”

Gonzales is described as being between 178 and 30 centimetres tall wearing tight white pants, no shirt, giant ruffles on his arms and being able to seriously hyperextend his knees and ankles.

“We had him cornered once but he beat our roadblock by leaning way back and shimmying his way underneath it,” admitted Inspector Bikestack. “Unfortunately what started out as an innocent use of a party dance by this individual has spiralled way out of control into hard crime.”

Peter Green

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