Ugly Duckling Grows Up To Become Ugly Duck

A duckling once described as being so ugly he made winter fly south has turned into an even more ugly specimen upon reaching adulthood, say sources from the pond.

“I’ve seen better looking ducks hanging upside down in the window of a Chinese butcher shop,” said Daffyd, a friend of Centennial Park duck Phil Mallard. “Phil’s got a great personality but go down to the park on any afternoon and you’ll find bread throwing him at old people.”

“There was never any need for those special “duck’s crossing” road signs around here because any driver who caught sight of Phil immediately swerved off the road in horror,” said Phil’s mum Daisy. “He once looked at his reflection in the pond and the pond cracked.”

Despite often getting urged to quack quack get out, quack quack get out, quack quack get out of town Phil stuck around and the rest of the flock have now accepted him, mainly because standing beside him makes them look more attractive.

“I learned the truth at 17 that life was meant for the beautiful ducks without wonky bills, easily ruffled feathers and one foot that isn’t webbed,” said Phil after sleeping in and missing out on all the worms. “At least I feel safe during duck season because I’m so ugly I make pointer dogs point in the opposite direction.”

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Peter Green

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