Grateful Shire Man Dies Doing Something He Hates

Friends and relatives of Yarrawarrah roof tiler Ted Hunstanton say the news of his sudden death has been softened by the knowledge that he died doing something he really hated.

“It would have been an absolute shame if Ted had died doing something he loved like climbing a mountain or racing his jet ski,” said Hunstanton’s wife Beryl. “Happily I found him head down in the sink halfway through doing the washing up and when I pulled him up he had this whopping great smile on his face.”

“Dad absolutely hated doing the washing up and if a massive coronary arrest got him out of having to scrub the baked on pie crust off the inside of the casserole dish he’d have been totally chuffed,” said daughter Merilyn. “His last words were “Bloody beauty” before we heard a loud splash from the kitchen.”

A recent survey by the Australian Bureau of Statistic showed the least preferred times of death for Australian males were halfway through a blow job, eating a Freddo Frog and watching your team win the grand final. The most preferred time of death was on the couch watching The Bachelor, listening to a Nickleback song and just after waking up with a massive hangover.

“My old man would have hated dying when he was out paddling his canoe or riding a bucking bull at a rodeo,” said Ted’s best mate Robbo. “Instead he died in the middle of trying to put together a bookcase he’d just bought at IKEA. He had this wonderfully beatific smile on his face.”

In Sydney? Come and see our live show That’s (un)Australian! at Sydney  Fringe Comedy on Saturday Sept 10. Book tickets here.

Peter Green

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