Vampires Warned Not To Forget About Start Of Daylight Savings

The soulless undead have been reminded that the clocks were put forward last night for the start of daylight savings and to not get out of their coffins an hour too early when they arise tonight to feast on the blood of virgins.

“Remember ‘spring forward fall back’ applies to us as well as to the mortal sheep who have never supped feverishly upon the glistening scarlet elixer,” said prominent vampire Count Dracula from his ancestral home in Transylvania. “Every year we lose a few of our brethren who forget to put the clocks forward and are immediately turned to dust by the searing rays of the sun, which is a right proper shitache.”

“The Master is confused by the buttons on his digital alarm clock and asks me to reset it for him every October,” said Dracula’s assistant Renfield. “One year we accidentally put it back instead of forward and the Master had to sprint home through the streets to be back in his coffin by dawn, which isn’t a very dignified look with his cape flapping around in the air and everything.”

Many vampires have moved to Queensland in order to avoid having to disrupt their sleeping patterns over the summer.

“I sympathise with the farmers who say that daylight savings wreaks havoc with their milking schedules,” said vampire Ted Lestat in an interview last week. “My own milking schedules are thrown totally out of whack as my victims aren’t sleepy at their normal bedtime and are much harder to affix into submission with my hypnotic gaze.”

Peter Green

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