Lemon Squeezy Admits New “Hardy Pardy” Bottle Was Mistake

Consumers have rejected the new difficult to use “Hardy Pardy” container and have implored the makers of Lemon Squeezy to go back to the old fashioned “Easy Peezy” model.

“It used to be a cinch getting your Lemon Squeezy out of the bottle and onto whatever it was you wanted to infuse with lemon,” said customer Doris Piper. “But this new bottle with the difficult to remove child proof lid, sharp spikes on the outside and lack of instructions on how much Lemon Squeezy to use is driving me up the wall. I gave up after four hours of struggle and instead went to the fruit shop and bought myself an actual lemon to fulfil my lemon oriented task.”

“We took a gamble that people would go for a new look Lemon Squeezy that was terribly complicated to dispense and we were wrong,” admitted Lemon Squeezy marketing manager Todd Stanton. “We insisted that supermarkets put it on the highest shelf behind bottles labelled “nitroglycerin” and surround it with open bear traps. In hindsight I can see why sales might have plummeted.”

After considering selling the product in bottles that sent 500 volts of electricity into everyone who picked it up, the company has succumbed to pressure from consumers and will return to its original packaging.

“I was shocked when I went to IGA to get my Lemon Squeezy and found it being displayed at the bottom of a large tank full of crocodiles,” said disgruntled shopper Barry Frobisher. “It seems some twat with a ponytail has come in and tried to shake up the product’s image. Everyone knows that Leomn Squeezy’s sole selling point is its convenience of use.”

Peter Green

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