Thousands Cheer Public Beheading Of Man Who Says Arks Instead of Ask

A baying crowd of thousands of onlookers cheered wildly in Sydney’s St Andrews Plaza yesterday as they witnessed the public beheading of an office worker for continually saying “arks” instead of “ask”.

“We gave Martin plenty of warning that his constant “arksing” us questions was getting on our tits and that drastic measures would be applied unless he stopped,” said satisfied co-worker Sandra Bailey about the bloody execution of data entry clerk Martin Bonython. “We checked with HR first and they decided that he was beyond counselling and that a very public disciplinary approach was the best solution.”

“We contacted the Taliban and they were very happy to supply us with a spare beheading operations team, especially after we explained the nature of Martin’s crime,” said Bonython’s supervisor Pam Schofield. “Apparently they themselves have had it up to here with their meetings being interrupted by gormless prats wanting to “arks” about interpretations of the Koran and so forth.”

Thousands more are expected to gather in the square outside the Customs House in Circular Quay on Wednesday to pay witness to the execution of bank customer service officer Keith Bradbury for the crime of adding the word “-meister” to the end of fellow worker’s names to make a new nickname.

Peter Green

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