Man Recklessly Ignores Shop Assistant’s Offer To Wrap Christmas Present

A Shire man has arrogantly turned down a shop assistant’s offer to gift wrap a basket of nice smelling soaps in the foolish belief that he will be up for the task all by himself.

“We have a lovely selection of slightly bland but suitably festive paper and a plethora of red bows with a blob of sticky goo on the back of them,” said David Jones counter clerk Sophie Houndstooth. “I wrap presents of all shapes and sizes all day long and can guarantee perfectly smooth edges, nice V shaped flaps at each end and no need to cut out extra bits of paper to cover glaring gaps where parts of the present are still peeking out. Despite this the customer seemed glibly overconfident about his own ability to take the present home and wrap it up himself.”

“I thought I knew a bit about geometry but I’ve got no idea what angle I’m meant to fold the paper at to allow for complete coverage of the hoop of the basket handle,” admitted flustered Como electrical engineer Craig Allthumbs. “I’ve ended up with a shapeless mess constructed from two different wrapping papers I got from the Reject Shop and somehow managed to get three pubes caught up in the sticky tape. I will never eschew an offer of help from a present wrapping professional ever again.”

Neuroscientists believe the section of the brain devoted to wrapping Christmas presents neatly fails to develop in adolescent males, instead being taken over by the section of the brain full of self belief about how to cook sausages on a barbecue.

“I wrap up whole city buildings in plastic but even I don’t even attempt to wrap my own Christmas presents,” said conceptual artist Christo. “Last year I tried wrapping my presents in an air tight sterilised chamber used to make artificial hearts and I still managed to get three pubes trapped in the sticky tape.”

Peter Green

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One thought on “Man Recklessly Ignores Shop Assistant’s Offer To Wrap Christmas Present

  1. I pointed out to my wife that to hide the scissor cut edge of the wrapping paper, the triangle-shaped end flaps should be folded under twice before taping.
    Her reply, “Get tucked.”

    Liked by 1 person

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