That Kid With The Green Hair Wins Every Race At Swimming Carnival

That kid with the hair that’s turned green from too much exposure to chlorine has predictably won every race at the school swimming carnival, reports every other kid at the school.

“His parents must make him get up early every morning and do squad training or something because he just smashed every race and his hair is greener than Kermit the Frog’s bumcheeks,” said Penshurst North Public School student Janelle Peehaitch about school swimming champion Brett Speedo. “He even does those proper tumbly turns at the end of every lap while the rest of us just bang into the wall and splash around trying to change direction.”

“We’re really glad Brett is in our house because even if we’re coming dead last at the final change in the relay we know he’ll just power home like a big green swordfish,” said Kurrajong house captain Mitch Floaty. “He always gets to school just on time rubbing his hair dry with a towel and smelling vaguely of Redskins and Sustagen.”

The originally blonde haired Speedo hopes to go onto the district swimming carnival and break the record for winning the most pennants that was set by his father Phil, who was almost selected to represent Australia at the Auckland Commonwealth Games in 1990.

“I’m tired, so very tired. I need sleep,” said Brett as he napped on the lawn of the pool as the other kids enjoyed an hours free swim during the lunch break. “My favourite time of the year is the two weeks in mid winter when they drain the pool for maintenance and I get to sleep in.”

Peter Green


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