Cereal Manufacturers Celebrate Discovery Of More Awkward Way To Package Muesli

Owners of breakfast food companies are delighted at the news that scientists in the food packaging industry have discovered an even more impractical method of storing muesli.

“We’re always on the lookout for more baffling ways of presenting our product so that when opened bits of muesli fly all over the kitchen bench and a complicated arrangement of elastic bands is needed to reseal it again,” said jubilant muesli producer Cheryl Bircher. “We’re always on the lookout for plastic bags with mysterious folds on them that look like they should be the place to tear them open but end up leaving an unruly rip down the side that allows copious amounts of oats and cinnamon clusters to spill out all over the place.”

Ms Bircher markets her own brand of muesli with her photo on the box that implies she’s some kind of freaking genius for mixing together some sunflower kernels, chia seeds and puffed rice.

“We’ve carefully studied how the grated cheese industry thoughtfully packages their product in resealable bags that are easy to open and tried hard to do the exact opposite,” said muesli packaging designer Bruce Riboflavin. “We know that what people want first thing in the morning is to have some kind of two handed wrestling match with a tough plastic bag that ultimately explodes sending hardened quinoa nuggets sailing to all parts of the kitchen floor which they’ll re-discover weeks later with their bare feet.”

Peter Green


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