“I’ll Go See Doctor If Arrow In Chest Doesn’t Get Better In Another Week” Says Shire Man

A shire man has given the arrow sticking out of his chest another week to stop hurting before going to see a doctor about it.

“I know the experts say you should get these things looked at as early as possible but I’d feel like a right idiot if I made an appointment and everything and then it cleared up all by itself,” said Dolan’s Bay greengrocer Dylan Townsend. “If the blood spurts don’t slow down and I’m still coughing up pink stuff out of my lungs by next Thursday I’ll definitely get the quack to have a geep at it.”

Townsend began experiencing an arrow in his chest roughly two weeks ago after getting home from his nightly jog beside the local archery club.

“If I was him I’d have got that arrow sticking out of my chest examined straight away but Dylan reckons he doesn’t want to waste the doctor’s time when he could be looking after properly sick people,” said Townsend’s partner Kaitlyn. “My dad had an axe in the back of his head for six weeks before mum finally made him go see a doctor and the doctor immediately booked him in for life saving surgery, so you never can tell with these things.”

According to arrow wound specialists symptoms such as intense throbbing pain and even mild septic festering could indicate something serious and shouldn’t be ignored.

“Beetroot season is coming up and I really can’t afford to take any time off work but if this thing doesn’t start to clear up I probably should get it checked out,” said a wincing Townsend. “I imagine they’ll give me a band aid and put some stingy ointment on it and send me home. Two weeks, I’ll give it two weeks.”

Peter Green


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