All Tiny Circles Now Secure, Declare World’s Sumo Wrestlers

Every small sized circle in the world is currently safely under guard, reported the international sumo wrestling community.

“Anyone who tries to make trouble within a very small circle will be turfed out on their ear by one of us great big blokes in a nappy,” said sumo wrestling champion Toshiro Kurosawa. “Whether it’s a trouble making discus thrower, an obnoxious whirling dervish or a baseball pitcher who’s gotten too big for his boots, if they try anything on inside a smallish circle they’re mincemeat.”

“I had a bikie making a complete dick himself on my kid’s sized merry-go-round last night and was despairing what to do about it when this sumo wrestler appeared out of nowhere,” said grateful funfair operator Ralph Tangent. “He tossed a bit of salt into the air, leapt onto the merry-go-round and picked him up over his head and threw him off. All he wanted in return was a giant sized serving of fairy floss which I was happy to supply him with.”

Police in the Canberra have reported that crime in the centre of traffic roundabouts has been reduced to almost zero since they started hiring sumo wrestlers to patrol them.

“Unfortunately the world’s squares, triangles and rhombuses are still hotbeds of crime but anyone inside a small circle can feel secure knowing that the sumo wresters are out there,” said Sergeant Mavis Pye from Interpol. “Lo behold anyone who tries to rob someone on a helicopter landing pad, a duck swimming in an upturned umbrella or pixies dancing in a ring in the middle of a forest. There’ll be an angry sumo wrestler there within seconds wanting to push them out of the circle, and then bow respectfully to them.”

Peter Green


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