Explorer William Wills has once again asked his companion Robert O’Hara Burke to stop consulting the Gregory’s and to ask the Satnav for directions as they continue their journey across the desert of central Australia.
“We’re running about two months late already so I wish he’d just swallow his pride and switch on the Tom Tom,” said an exasperated Wills as Burke desperately flicked through the pages of his street directory whilst still trying to keep his camel travelling in a straight line. “He gets cranky and snaps at me when I suggest we pull over and ask some aborigines for directions.”
“I have a rough idea of where we are and that’s all I need,” said a defiant Burke. ” As soon as I see that sun bleached kangaroo skull we passed on the way up I’ll be able to find my way back to Cooper Creek without having to rely on that confounded satellite.”
In an attempt to shut Wills up Burke compromised and allowed expedition member Johnny King to climb to the top of a termite mound and give directions to them through a megaphone. The method was abandoned after King’s reports consisted of him saying “All I can see is two thirds of bugger all” repeatedly.
“I tried sneakily turning the Satnav on when Mr Burke wasn’t looking but he has ignored every direction that I have given him,” said a thirsty Mr Wills. “When I suggested we travel straight into the next sand dune and take the second exit, Mr Burke instead demanded we turn left onto the endless shimmering gibber plain. He then angrily asked me why he keeps on hearing the word “recalculating” spoken in a woman’s voice.”