A resourceful shire man has had his left arm surgically removed to enable him to spoon with his girlfriend every morning without poking her in the back with his elbow.
“I’m right handed so I don’t actually use for left hand for anything much other then for doing the Hokey Pokey and showing people the size of fish that got away,” said Illawong significant other Lester Phillips. “So I had a doctor take it off and I find spooning so much more pleasurable now I don’t have to faff around looking for somewhere to put my extraneous limb.”
“I never asked Lester explicitly to have his arm off but I did drop hints that I’d be keener for a bit of a mono directional snuggle if he didn’t waste time burrowing it under my pillow prior to every session,” said girlfriend Lacey Perry. “We tried dangling it over the back of the bed but it kept going to sleep and then he’d get pins and needles, which really chilled the mood.”
Since having the operation the pair report the average length of a good spoon has increased from five minutes to thirty five minutes, getting up to as long as two hours during a Sunday morning lie in.
“The only drawback is that Lester can no longer open tight jam jars for me and he gets less work as a concert pianist than he did before,” said a contented Lacey. “Also he’ll be stuffed if we break up and he gets a new girlfriend who likes to sleep on the right hand side of the bed, like that hussy secretary of his.”