Beached Whale Pushed Back Into High Rollers Room At Casino

A whale found stranded on a north coast beach has been successfully returned to the high rollers of the Star Casino after a concerted effort from Greenpeace and local surfers.

“I was out for an early morning ride when I spotted this confused looking wealthy gambler floundering in the breakers,” said Jellyfish Point surfer Gavin Grommett. “He’d obviously become detached from the rest of his pod who were still playing blackjack in the premium gaming room and being feted with impeccable personal service.”

“We were able to keep him alive by pouring glasses of single malt whiskey over him and supplying him with trays of truffle canapes,” said Greenpeace volunteer Clarise Dreadlock. “Luckily someone at the beach had a pack of cards and we kept him occupied with a few hands of Happy Families while we waited for more help to arrive.”

Marine biologists believe that strandings occur when the whales get confused by the lack of natural lighting and absence of clocks in the gaming rooms. They are often disorientated after long private jet flights from the northern hemisphere.

“Luckily this one survived and was soon back frolicking with the rest of his pod and ordering another million dollars worth of chips,” said grateful casino spokesperson Rita Snakeyes. “He even asked us if we could discreetly arrange a hooker for the night so he has definitely made a full recovery.”

Peter Green


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