The pleasant city of Canberra will once again be punished by the rest of Australia for being the nicest place to live by being forced to host the Summernats.
“They have all the museums, the war memorial, Floriade, one of the best universities in the world and a cosmopolitan and well educated population, so we think it’s only fair that once a year every toolbox in the country has to descend on the place and make it into a living hell,” said Sydney lord mayor Clover Moore. “They don’t have to deal with Sydney’s outrageous real estate prices, Melbourne’s shitty weather, Adelaide’s water and Brisbane… well, just being Brisbane. So for one blissful week in January we get to offload all our idiots to the shores of Lake Burley Griffin to do burnouts and compare their subwoofers and parade around showing off their big chrome exhaust pipes or whatever it is they do.”
“One of the revheads accidentally saw a book one year and freaked out so now we just lock the place up for the week and take a holiday in Bateman’s Bay,” said Jennifer Shoosh, head librarian at the National Library of Australia. “We turn off that big water spout thingy and throw a tarp over the top of Questacon and wonder what awful thing it is that we did wrong to deserve this punishment.”
Summernats was first hoisted upon Canberra by Satan in 1988 in return for allowing the Canberra Raiders to win the 1989 rugby league grand final.